Scotiacon 2025

In 1999 I graduated from St. Myriam’s Thunderculture Megachapel Primary School on the Isle of Man with three things – a dictionary, the Guinness Book of Records and a raft. I combined all three and sailed to the mainland, which annoyed me because the dictionary was not very buoyant and got very wet very quickly, and the raft was very difficult to carry. Nevertheless I plied my trade through my teenage years hosting backalley quizzes to Cheshire mafiaettes and the drug cartels of Ipswich. The quizzes were far-reaching and became a hit, culminating in me performing a pub quiz in front of Big Eric, the bigwig quiz champ who was expelled from Eggheads for lacerating that smiley old woman. Big Eric lost my quiz and put the blame squarely at my feet, saying I would never quiz for his men again, tying me to concrete blocks and throwing me into the M6. Luckily as concrete floats on tarmac I survived. That spurned me on to quiz cleanly and since then all my quizzes have been above board and achieved my Professional Quizmaster’s Licence in 2013, with a backup degree in raft building.